Durmstrang, osa 1

DURMSTRANG, PART 1

”In December I participated a Harry Potter themed larp that took place in Durmstrang wizarding school in Poland (actually somewhere near Nokia). It was the first game of three. My character was Reginka Cieslak, a seventh year student and a hussar novice. The game leaders wanted to meet all the players before the game.” //
”Does my character have a patronus? Or does any of the students know how to cast the patronus charm?” ”No.” //
”The patronus charm is not taught in Durmstrang as there’s no point in that. There’s nothing in Poland that a patronus would protect you against.” //
”It would be almost like teaching in Finland how to protect yourself from tigers. As there are no tigers here, except maybe in the zoo.” //
”…” //
”This is probably the part where I tell you where I work.”


”What do we have here?” ”Don’t – ” //
”Tut tut, bad students! I am the curator’s cursed mug. As a punishment for you sniffing around you must yell ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” every time you go through a doorway for the next hour.” //
”Oh sh*t.” //
”Hey Blazej my bro! Come see what we just found!” ”Alicja…” //
”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” (Mr Headmaster) ”What the hell is it this time?”

Harry Potter created by J.K. Rowling
Many thanks to game leaders and all the players!

Joululaulut

(This doesn’t translate because it’s about Christmas carols and how they have been forever ruined for me because of puns and stuff. The last one is Sirius Black singing ”God bless thee merry hippogriffs”.)

Harry Potter by J.K.Rowling

Joulujakso 2019

CHRISTMAS EPISODE 2019

Niille jotka tietää.
For those in the know.

Eli ”Olisi sittenkin varmaan pitänyt kääntyä vasemmalle sen varastokomeron jälkeen”.
Or, ”I guess I should have turned left after that storage room after all”.

Doctor Who by BBC
Fantastic Beasts by J.K.Rowling

Fantasiaa kääntäen

FANTASY, REVERSED

Eräillä erittäin hyvillä synttärijuhlilla aloimme jutella ”käänteiskentaureista” – siis siitä, miltä näyttäisi otus, joka olisi kuin kentauri, mutta sen ihmisosat olisivat hevosen ja hevososat ihmisen. Ja se sitten johti tähän.
On a really good birthday party we started to talk about ”reversed centaurs” – what would a creature look like if it was like a centaur but its human parts were horse’s and horse parts human’s. And then it led to this.

Varoitus: tissejä. (Joo, varoitus on vasta lopuksi. Miksi? Koska mielestäni piirretyistä tisseistä ei pidä provosoitua.)
Trigger warning: boobs. (Yes, the warning is in the end. Why? Because I don’t find drawn boobs to be anything to warn about.)

Erityistaitoni

MY SPECIAL SKILLS

”Hei Kati, can you come and teach PE for middle-school kids for a day?” ”Well… uh… okay.” //
(Instructions) You can play volleyball, or you may use your own skills when planning the PE class. //
”Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!” //
”My skills aren’t really in the sports at all…” //

Character sheet:
Character name: Kati
Species: Human (?)
Looks: Brown eyes, curly dark hair
Skills: Biology +8, Literature +6, Music -2, Drawing +7, Sports -14, Nerding +5, Teaching +4, Cooking +2
Equipment: Swiss army knife, hat, woolen socks, pen case, library card, good jacket, striped shirt //
”Today, younglins…I’m going to teach you to play quidditch.”

Ja sitten todella opetin seiskaluokkalaiset pelaamaan huispausta. Kiitos Wiivulle ideasta!
And then I actually taught 7th graders to play quidditch. Thanks to Wiivu for the idea!

Paras sekoitus koskaan

THE BEST CROSSOVER EVER

”…sank.” ”There could be sharks involved.” //
”You mean the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg but a shark?” ”For example.” //
”Maybe the she ship, after it sunk, was sucked into a huge hurricane.” ”Like… Sharknado?” ”Yeah!” //
”And then the Titanic – and all its surviving passengers – have been spinning in the hurricane for a hundred years!” //
”Yes, and the only way for them to live is to catch sharks flying by in the middle of the hurricane! With a fishing rod!” //
”This would make such a great movie.” ”Totally.” ”I’d watch it.” ”Which producer shall we call?”

Tiedän muuten, että pyörremyrskyn keskellä on tyyntä. Mutta se ei liene suurin ongelma tässä hurrikaanissa…
By the way, I know it’s still in the middle of a tornado. But I don’t think it’s the biggest problem with this hurricane…

Jaws
written by Peter Benchley, the movie directed by Steven Spielberg
Titanic directed by James Cameron
Sharknado directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Sauronin kätyrit: Pyykkipäivä

SAURON’S HENCHMEN: LAUNDRY DAY

”Someone used my ring. Go find it.” ”We leave immediately, Lord Sauron.” //
”Wait a second…” //
”…What on Middle Earth are you wearing?” ”Our spare gowns.” ”It’s Friday.” ”Laundry day.” //
”…Leave on Monday.” ”Yes, Lord Sauron.”

The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien

Kuinka tässä näin kävi?

HOW DID IT COME TO THIS?

Zoo – fun happening today!
”Kati, could you help me get dressed in this bee costume?” ”Sure.” //
”Heh. It’s like you’re going to the battle of Helm’s Deep and totally losing.” //
”…” //
”I didn’t understand a word of what you just said.” ”…never mind.” //
Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountains, like wind in the meadow. The days have gone down in the West, behind the hills, into Shadow…

The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
Finnish translation by Kersti Juva

Mistä tää on?

Tämänkertainen päivitys on fanitaidetta. Mistä toi on? on Aamuset-kaupunkimedian strippisarjakuva (jota tekevät serkkuni ja hänen vaimonsa), jonka ideana on se, että jokaisessa stripissä esiintyy lainaus jostakin suomalaisesta laulusta. Mistä toi on? löytyy mm. täältä ja täältä.

(This one doesn’t translate very well for cultural reasons. The strip is fan art of a Finnish comic called Mistä toi on? (”Where’s that from?) where in every strip there’s a quote from some Finnish song.)