Muuttoa koronan aikaan

MOVING IN THE TIME OF CORONA

I helped Mr Brony and his girlfriend moving houses. //
”I go park the van. Could you two start taking stuff upstairs already?” ”Okay.” //
”I doubt anyone will steal these book boxes or the chair…” //
”…but I think I’ll take Brony’s camera and telescope along in the first set.” //
”Good idea, let’s take all the valuables upstairs right away.” //
”I’ll take the toilet paper.” ”Hahahahahaha!!!”

Durmstrang, osa 1

DURMSTRANG, PART 1

”In December I participated a Harry Potter themed larp that took place in Durmstrang wizarding school in Poland (actually somewhere near Nokia). It was the first game of three. My character was Reginka Cieslak, a seventh year student and a hussar novice. The game leaders wanted to meet all the players before the game.” //
”Does my character have a patronus? Or does any of the students know how to cast the patronus charm?” ”No.” //
”The patronus charm is not taught in Durmstrang as there’s no point in that. There’s nothing in Poland that a patronus would protect you against.” //
”It would be almost like teaching in Finland how to protect yourself from tigers. As there are no tigers here, except maybe in the zoo.” //
”…” //
”This is probably the part where I tell you where I work.”


”What do we have here?” ”Don’t – ” //
”Tut tut, bad students! I am the curator’s cursed mug. As a punishment for you sniffing around you must yell ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” every time you go through a doorway for the next hour.” //
”Oh sh*t.” //
”Hey Blazej my bro! Come see what we just found!” ”Alicja…” //
”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” ”Look at me! I am an undisciplined worm!” (Mr Headmaster) ”What the hell is it this time?”

Harry Potter created by J.K. Rowling
Many thanks to game leaders and all the players!

Hossa


”I’m organizing a winter trip for Nature League to Hossa national park.” ”Hooray!” //
”Dear passengers, the train is late.” //
”Dear passengers, the conductor is also late.” //
”Dear passengers, there is something wrong with the engine so we cannot go very fast.” //
”Dear passengers, the railway is being repaired. Hence we have to crawl.” //
”How are we supposed to fit all our stuff in that mini bus?” ”And all these other people?” //
”Wooops!” //
Well, getting here was quite a farce but we got here nevertheless.”


”Pfft, I’ve got way too much stuff in my anorak pocket.” ”What do you have there?” //
”Well… my Swiss army knife.” //
”Map of the national park.” //
”Half a bag of walnuts. And some dried cranberries.” //
”A spoon. And a water bottle.” //
”Alarm clock.” //
”Headlamp.” //
”Our hut’s address and coordinates in case we’d need to call an ambulance.” //
”What are you gonna call that ambulance with?” ”My cell phone. That is somewhere… in my backpack… I guess…”


Nature hippies in the nature, part 1:
”Hey… there’s a vole in the outdoor toilet’s hole.” //
”Well look at that…” //
”Now there are six of them. Move aside, now.” //
Nature hippies in the nature, part 2:
”There’s a caddisfly larva in our drinking water bucket.” //
”Ooh.”


”This weather is absolutely horrible.” ”Yep.” //
”We can have our lunch break there.” ”There are people down there.” //
”Hi, we’re French tourists on a day trip.” ”Hi…” //
”You sure look soaked! Why don’t you warm up by our camp fire.” ”Here, have some chocolate.” ”And cake.” ”And an orange.” //
”You’re the best!”


”Hello there.”

Sukunäköä

FAMILY RESEMBLANCE

”Every time I go somewhere with my mom this happens… (Or at least really often.)” //
”You two really look alike! A mother and a daughter, right?” //
”Is it the twins?” //
”And she’s your daughter? Well, that I could see right away!” //
”So a mother and a daughter? I could have guessed!” //
”…I guess we do look alike, then. Not that we could see it…” ”Yeah, both of us being face blind doesn’t really help.” //
”But I don’t even draw us to look alike!” //
”ALL the characters in your comics look pretty much the same.” ”Oh yeah right.”

Joululaulut

(This doesn’t translate because it’s about Christmas carols and how they have been forever ruined for me because of puns and stuff. The last one is Sirius Black singing ”God bless thee merry hippogriffs”.)

Harry Potter by J.K.Rowling

Fantasiaa kääntäen

FANTASY, REVERSED

Eräillä erittäin hyvillä synttärijuhlilla aloimme jutella ”käänteiskentaureista” – siis siitä, miltä näyttäisi otus, joka olisi kuin kentauri, mutta sen ihmisosat olisivat hevosen ja hevososat ihmisen. Ja se sitten johti tähän.
On a really good birthday party we started to talk about ”reversed centaurs” – what would a creature look like if it was like a centaur but its human parts were horse’s and horse parts human’s. And then it led to this.

Varoitus: tissejä. (Joo, varoitus on vasta lopuksi. Miksi? Koska mielestäni piirretyistä tisseistä ei pidä provosoitua.)
Trigger warning: boobs. (Yes, the warning is in the end. Why? Because I don’t find drawn boobs to be anything to warn about.)

Helppoa kuin letunpaisto

IT’S AS SIMPLE AS MAKING PANCAKES

”…on a frying pan. Use mild heat, about the same as if you were making pancakes.” //
”Well, here’s how I make pancakes.” //
Off – mild – medium – hot – really hot – hell’s gridiron

Paras sekoitus koskaan

THE BEST CROSSOVER EVER

”…sank.” ”There could be sharks involved.” //
”You mean the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg but a shark?” ”For example.” //
”Maybe the she ship, after it sunk, was sucked into a huge hurricane.” ”Like… Sharknado?” ”Yeah!” //
”And then the Titanic – and all its surviving passengers – have been spinning in the hurricane for a hundred years!” //
”Yes, and the only way for them to live is to catch sharks flying by in the middle of the hurricane! With a fishing rod!” //
”This would make such a great movie.” ”Totally.” ”I’d watch it.” ”Which producer shall we call?”

Tiedän muuten, että pyörremyrskyn keskellä on tyyntä. Mutta se ei liene suurin ongelma tässä hurrikaanissa…
By the way, I know it’s still in the middle of a tornado. But I don’t think it’s the biggest problem with this hurricane…

Jaws
written by Peter Benchley, the movie directed by Steven Spielberg
Titanic directed by James Cameron
Sharknado directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Sieniä, sieniä!

MUSHROOMS, MUSHROOMS!

”To find mushrooms you must see the world like a mushrooms sees it.” //
”You must think like a mushroom.” //
”You must become a mushroom.” //
”You must be… a mushroom…” //
”I’d rather not.” ”Sssh! Mushrooms don’t talk.”