Ekaluokkalaisten suusta…

FROM THE MOUTHS OF FIRST-GRADERS…

Ei se lapsi väärässä ollut… (Tapahtui ennen kuin koulut suljettiin koronan takia.)
The kid wasn’t wrong… (Happened before schools were closed due to corona.)


I was teaching first-graders again. ”Right, get dressed please and go out for the break. Chop-chop now.” //
”Are you a girl or a boy?” ”I’m a girl.” //
”I knew you’re a girl because you have a girl’s name.” ”Well deduced.” //
”But there are names that both girls and boys can have.” //
”I also knew you’re a girl?” ”Oh?” //
”I knew it because… you’re wide over here.” ”Thanks kid.”

Meillä oli siinä lasten kanssa hyvä keskustelu aiheesta tytöilläkin voi olla lyhyet hiukset sekä itsetuntemus, mutta sain lapset myös ajoissa pihalle välitunnille.
We had a good conversation with the kids about girls also being able to have short hair and self-knowledge, and I also managed to get the kids outdoors for their break in time.

Ensimmäisen luokan opetusta

FIRST CLASS TEACHING

”Morning, can you come teach first graders?” ”Yawn! Yeah…” //
”I wonder what it’s like to teach first graders?” //
Religion: like playing. ”What word do these syllables make?” (SUS – JE) //
Sports: actually playing. ”Ship!” //
English: sports and playing. ”head, shoulders, knees and toes…” //
Honest feedback: ”I don’t want to come to school tomorrow if you’re here.” ”Well I don’t think it’s up to either of us to decide.” //
More honest feedback: ”Have a nice weekend!” //
”You’re a nice substitute teacher!”

Paluu kässänluokkaan

RETURN TO TEXTILE WORK CLASS

”Can you come and teach in the elementary school tomorrow? They have textile work on the last lesson.” ”Okay.” //
”Now, I’m pretty good at knitting, and I learned elementary school stuff pretty well… but it has turned out that this one subject needs a little more learning…” //
”You could help pupils with crochet.” ”Uhm…” //
”…and now through there…” //
”Why don’t you show her how to make blanket stitches.” ”…” //
”Yes, Kati is learning too… together with you…” //
”Help the student with the sewing machine.” ”Right!” //
”HELP!”

Paras työpäivä

THE BEST DAY OF WORK

”Hi Kati, can you come and teach arts for 8-graders for two hours?” ”Yes!” //
”Your teacher told me that today you should do some croquis drawing.” //
”That means that one at a time is the model and others draw a quick sketch of them. We’ll be using water colors.” //
”I can be the first model. You have five minutes to draw me. After that we’ll switch, and I’ll start drawing as well.” //
”An hour and a half of croquis drawing with actually nice teenagers! I’m almost embarrassed that I’m getting payed for this!”

Koska croquis-piiroksissa kasvospiirteet ovat kovasti toissijainen asia, piirroksistani lienee mahdotonta tunnistaa malleina olleita oppilaita, joten uskallan julkaista tuon kuvistunnin työni.
Because faces are really not that important in croquis drawings I think it’s impossible to recognize the students in these drawings, hence I guess I can publish them here.


Vuosikatsaus 2019

2019: LOOKING BACK

”Another year is over, and a lot happened. Even though I was academically unemployed for quite a big part of the year I’ve still done many things I’ve been payed for.” //
”Here are some of those things…” //
Cooking on a camp. ”I hate those kids.” ”Same.” //
Teaching new camp instructors. ”…talk about home sickness…” //
Miscellaneous paper work. //
Fighting with geese. //
Fighting for geese. //
Teaching at the nature school. //
Leading a camp. //
Feeding a kestrel.


Carrying a goat around. //
Presenting cockroaches. //
Knitting gloves. //
Teaching Finnish to middle school kids. ”Today we’ll be reading Asterix.” //
Supervising a biology exam. ”These kids don’t understand a thing about biology.” //
Teaching sports. ”I’m supposed to be holding this ball which way up?” //
Teaching arts. ”Art!” //
Walking a dog. //
Making a comic. //
”So that was that for the past year. Happy new decade for everyone!”

Osaan sen yhä

I’VE STILL GOT IT

”Teacherteacherteacher – hahahaha! -teacherteacherteacher!” ”What’s wrong?” //
”I hit – hahaha – my toe. Can I – hehehehe – quit playing this game?” ”No.” //
”Why not? Haha! Can I please go? Hihihihi! Gimme some slack – heh?” ”The Oscar for best faked injury is what I’ll give you.” //
”Please please please hehehe please?” ”No.” //
”But did you know that your tongue is connected to your toe muscles? That means the more you talk the more your toe will hurt.” //
”???? Really?” ”No.” //
”See, I know how to bullshit as well.”

Erityistaitoni

MY SPECIAL SKILLS

”Hei Kati, can you come and teach PE for middle-school kids for a day?” ”Well… uh… okay.” //
(Instructions) You can play volleyball, or you may use your own skills when planning the PE class. //
”Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!” //
”My skills aren’t really in the sports at all…” //

Character sheet:
Character name: Kati
Species: Human (?)
Looks: Brown eyes, curly dark hair
Skills: Biology +8, Literature +6, Music -2, Drawing +7, Sports -14, Nerding +5, Teaching +4, Cooking +2
Equipment: Swiss army knife, hat, woolen socks, pen case, library card, good jacket, striped shirt //
”Today, younglins…I’m going to teach you to play quidditch.”

Ja sitten todella opetin seiskaluokkalaiset pelaamaan huispausta. Kiitos Wiivulle ideasta!
And then I actually taught 7th graders to play quidditch. Thanks to Wiivu for the idea!

…ja mammutit vielä kulkivat maan päällä

…AND MAMMOTHS STILL WALKED UPON THIS EARTH

”Hey Kati, we need a substitute teacher for fifth graders for a day, can you come?” ”Okay.” //
(Instructions) ”Hmm.” //
”Now, you’d need to write a 200-word text about agriculture in your notebooks.” //
”There’s good info about the topic in your science book chapter 9.” //
”?!?” //
”Wha-wha-what are you doing?” ”Searching for information.” ”With our phones.” ”Online.” //
”When I was in school, we had to go to the library… and BORROW A BOOK.” ”What’s that?”

Ajat muuttuvat

TIMES CHANGE

”Hi Kati, we need a substitute teacher to teach ninth graders Finnish today, can you come?” ”Well… uh… okay.” //
”Instructions: students will work on computers, teacher has sent them questions in advance.” //
”Well well… This is my old school. I wonder where the computer classroom is nowadays…” //
”There is no computer classroom! There are laptops and pads in all classrooms.” ”Oh.” //
”You just need to give the students the instructions, they’ll know what to do.” ”…okay.” //
”When I was young there was only one computer classroom in the school… and the computers themselves were big cubes…!”